Dear
beloved Philippines,
With
a heavy heart I write to you.
As
a patriotic citizen of this country I tried my best to keep mum and just be an
observer to what is happening in the political side of my land. Election is
fast approaching. Soon, there will be new leaders that hopefully will help and
lead us Filipinos into having better lives. My eyes, ears, mind and heart are
all open to weigh things justly for me to be able to choose who will be the
rightful ones to have the delicate duty to take care of the Philippines. I had
kept my mouth shout for me not to be able to influence anyone, even my closest
friends and loved ones. I wanted them to use their whole being (mind and heart
especially) in choosing the next leaders of our beloved nation. There are many times that I want to react so
loudly because of the so many disappointments and confusion this coming
election is bringing. - but I really did my best to be quiet.
Not
until now.
Admittedly,
I am not a supporter of Duterte. Although I commend him for the good things he
has done for his city since he became a mayor of Davao, I can never force
myself to vote for him. Why? Many fellowmen are telling that he has the
“change” the whole country is desperately waiting for and we need it now. I
have watched videos, read lots of posts in support and in defense for him. I
know exactly how big the crowd he has and is gaining because of his promised
“new” platform for the Filipinos. I tried to convince myself that maybe I
should listen to him, believe him, but I just can't. I cannot force myself to
finally support him. My faculties tell me not to do so, especially now. There
are various reasons – but primarily because of the way he deals with women.
Well, I must say that he is brave to tell the world his “dark sides.” (I do not
know if he really confessed everything. I cannot see his heart.) But this, my country, this is the thing that
makes me feel so scared if I, too, will vote for him. Especially now after I
heard him telling in his political rally a “rape joke” as they called it
-
"Nirape nila lahat ng mga babae so
'yung unang asolte, kasi nagretreat sila, naiwan yung ginawa nilang cover, ang
isa doon yung layminister na Australyana. Tsk, problema na ito. Pag labas, edi
binalot. Tiningnan ko yung mukha, 'tangina parang artista sa America na
maganda. Putangina, sayang ito. Ang nagpasok sa isip ko, nirape nila,
pinagpilahan nila doon. Nagalit ako kasi nirape, oo isa rin 'yun . Pero
napakaganda, dapat ang mayor muna ang mauna. Sayang." - Duterte
(All
the women were raped so during the first assault, because they retreated, the
bodies they used as a cover, one of them was the corpse of the Australian woman
layminister. Tsk, this is a problem. When the bodies were brought out, they
were wrapped. I looked at her face, son of a bitch, she looks like a beautiful
American actress. Son of a bitch, what a waste. What came to mind was, they
raped her, they lined up. I was angry because she was raped, that's one thing.
But she was so beautiful, the mayor should have been first. What a waste.)
When he said it in his rally last
April 12 that he should have been the “first one” to do that to the Australian
woman who was raped (and also murdered), I was horrified beyond words. But as a
human being, though I was really offended about his remarks, I acted fair. I
watched that video where he said those and his explanation after the incident.
I saw the rally's video; I heard how he delivered his words and how the
audience laughed when he said those sickening words. I also heard how he explained
that he was just narrating his reaction to that crime, and that his natural way
of speaking, that he was not making a joke about it and how serious he was.
I am so disgust about this that I
could not stay silent anymore. I have to speak on behalf of the rape abuse
victims and survivors like me. Yes, you read it right. I was also a victim. I
am just blessed because I was able to survive and I'm still living until now.
In this land where most of the victims, especially the poor, do not receive
justice – there are times, many times that we just choose to remain silent and
do not talk about the crime that was committed to us and how it destroyed our
lives – because exposing it will cost us time, money, and bring shame and
destruction to us and to our loved ones.
Now, I couldn't believe that someone
who aspires to be the leader, protector and father of this country, will say
those words in public that he should have been the first one to rape that poor
woman. This should not be a joke. I want someone to tell me that he did not say
it. Unfortunately, it is recorded in videos. It's true that he said that, and what's
worse about it was his audience took his words as light as he was just making
fun about it. OH NO! My beautiful land, what has happened to you?
Why on earth he said those words and
the people acted like that was okay? Granting without accepting that he just
narrated in his rally what he said angrily in a 1989 crime and not making a
joke, why did he allow his supporters to just laugh about it? As an intelligent
lawyer, he should have known if his audience understood or not the message he
wanted to convey. Because if his argument is true, he should have clarified his
remarks so people will correctly understand him right then and there. But did
he? No.
Steve Harvey is a lot better. I envy
him, who after realizing his gaffe in Miss U, he corrected himself right away
before millions of people watching. Even if he knew that he would receive a lot
of negative comments after, he stood corrected still because he knew that was
the right thing to do. While on the other hand, this presidentiable did not
even correct or clarify himself in front of his supporters. I don't know why he
didn't do that if his argument is really true.
And his supporters, is that stuff
laughable? Ask yourselves, your conscience. I don't get at all why you were all
laughing and cheering him when he told you that he should have been the first
one to rape. What had happened to you all, dear people? You are even bashing
those who are not supporting him to the point that some of you are wishing
those who are not in favor of him to die or to experience rape. I say this with all sarcasm: Woah, that's a
great trait, mga kababayan!
Whatever the intention of Mr.
Duterte's remarks, whether it is a joke or not, we must remember that rape is a
very serious matter. I repeat, RAPE IS A VERY SERIOUS MATTER. IT'S SOMETHING
WHICH SHOULD NOT BE LAUGHED AT OR MISINTERPRETED AT.
This is one of the many reasons why
we, the rape survivors, hide and remain silent after surviving the crime.
People do not understand how we really feel. Sometimes our co-survivors who are
courageous enough to expose himself or herself become a laughing stock and are
accused of inventing things, that we just want to receive money. The criminals
are protected and unfortunately we, the victims, become more victims by the
society, by the law.
If I'm in the shoes of Ms. Hamill who
after being raped was murdered, and would hear someone would say that he should
have been the first one to rape me, I do not know how exactly I would feel.
Offended and belittled are too unfit to describe my emotion. Even if those were
only words, you wouldn't want to imagine how great the fear it brings in our
hearts. I couldn't bear to be abused again, to be raped again.
Does the mayor even know what he is
talking about? He doesn’t know the
ordeal we are facing everyday just to be able to get by knowing our very beings
are already destroyed. Some of our companions committed suicide already because
they couldn't take the pain. Every day is a battle for us. If we are not
warring against our perpetrators in the court, we are fighting against
ourselves. We feel fear, guilt and shame at the same time – these are slowly
consuming us. They devour us all the more because of how the people look upon
us. So many victims, like me, opted to remain silent, wear a mask and pretend
all our lives that we are normal human beings just like the rest of you.
“The mayor should have been
the first,” these
sickening words haunted us in our dreams. His remarks do not help us, cannot
and will not help us.
The “beast” as I called him, started
to rape me when I just turned seven years old, I was only in 2nd
grade in primary school. It lasted until I was already in 4th or 5th
grade. Why did it take so long? I saw how evil he was. He was hurting my mom
and had the capacity to hurt my siblings also or worse. So, I bore the
suffering all by myself at a very young age. I was young and too scared for
myself and my family back then. And now that I'm almost 30 years old, I am
still afraid. I'm afraid of that beast.
I'm afraid of the society we live in. I'm afraid of people like Duterte. I AM
SO SCARED.
I couldn't imagine my precious land of
birth being led by a womanizer, by someone who just kissed woman supporters on
lips out of the blue, by someone who was a Peeping Tom to his maid and even
touched her body while asleep, by someone who told the public about a rape
remarks (or a joke). If this kind of person will be the president, what would
happen to us, especially the rape victims? How can we feel safe and protected
if the wanna-be-president is someone who can just make a rape statement/joke
out of the blue and his audience would just laugh about it? What is he trying
to imply? What kind of country is he about to make?
I remember a saying, “For the abundance of the heart his mouth
speaketh.” The way a man speaks, his
choice of words is a reflection of his character.
As of writing time, I feel more
scared. I feel unsafe. All the bad memories, the pain, the shame, the negative
thoughts I had in the past years are crippling me right now. Since last Sunday,
I have seen tears in my eyes. I feel that my heart is being crushed into
pieces. I feel pain not just for me but for all the victims of rape and any
kind of abuse here in the Philippines – whether they are still alive or dead
now.
I’ll accept if you call me O.A. or
over acting, that’s fine with me. But to hear from someone who wants to lead
the country, that he should have been the first to rape a victim (even if he
said those words out anger only), even if I am not the person he is talking
about, I feel like I am raped again and a part of me has died – THIS IS NOT
OKAY.
Honestly, a single word or act whether
it is delivered as a joke or not, for us, victims, would cost a lot to us – and
sometimes our own lives. We live in pain, we live in fear, we live in shame and
to add more – that is too much. And that’s what Mr. Duterte did to us.
I hope this letter would reach him, for
him to understand that RAPE IS RAPE. It's something you should not make a joke
about it, it's something that shouldn't be misinterpreted, it's something that
people should not laugh about. If you are going to say it before public be sure
that your message is clearly understand. After all, you are promising that true
change will come from you. Start that “true change” in your character. Start
the true change in you. Do not make an excuse that is how people from the
gutter really speak. Do not tell us that’s how lowly you think of us living in
the gutter? That we always speak in an offensive manner. (Our family is also
from the gutter but we are thought not to act lowly, that we can earn respect
if we show courtesy and respect too.)
Philippines, the Pearl of the Orient,
my beloved country to whom many heroes sacrificed themselves for you, are all
their efforts will be wasted? I do not know now what will happen to you. I cry
endlessly because I’m too scared of the kind of leaders we are having for you.
To the people who will bash me after
reading my letter, it’s okay. I totally understand. One cannot please
everybody. Your future negative comments will not affect me that much. I have
lived all my life in pain after that beast raped me countless times. So the
pain from your bashings will not destroy me anymore, because there’s nothing
left in me to be destroyed.
To his supporters, it is your right to
support whom you like to support. Just be sure that you will not regret your choice. I really hope that you choose him because you truly want this country to be a better place to live in. As for me, it is also my right
not to support him. Let’s respect each other’s decision. We are created as humans;
let us show that we are really humans.
To the people who will understand and
will give love, thank you very much from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for
your contribution to help me survive more in this terrible time. But please do
not just give support to me. I wish that we please join hand in hand together.
Help us in our prayers to stop rape culture. Help us to stop making fun of women,
children, LGBTs, everyone – especially those who are living in the marginalized
groups. LET US HELP EVERYONE, ESPECIALLY THE VICTIMS OF ALL KIND OF CRIMES.
Give them courage, give them love. Do not mock anyone, because everyone has his
own battle.
To the curious ones, after revealing
that I am a rape victim and will not support someone like Duterte, I am sure
you will ask me whom am I going to vote for the presidency? Am I endorsing a
certain presidentiable? The answer is a big NO. I AM NOT ENDORSING ANYONE. As
of today April 19, 2016 in my heart I still cannot choose who I am going to
write in the ballot. All of them are the same. They are now bringing chaos in
our land instead of unity. All of them show that they are perfect for the job
as President of the Philippines but all of them destroy one another's character.
If today the elections will be held, I would leave the choices for president blank. I would not vote for anyone.
There is only one person in this world
who can give me the best advice whom to vote this coming May 9. Who? The person
who helped me to strive and survive despite all the bad things that happened in
my life – the preacher to whom I entrusted my soul.
Mahabag nawa ang Dios ng mga langit sa
minamahal kong bayan, ang Perlas ng Silanganan.
With ink and tears I wrote this
letter,
Lady Eliza Lee,
Filipina, adult survivor
(PS: Credits to the
owner of the photo above.)
